i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
