You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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