I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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