he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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