dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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