why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
