they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
