So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
