well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
