Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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