totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
