Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
