well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
