things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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