oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
