Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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