This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
