Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
