If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
