you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
farters have to be the big spoon...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
