I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
