Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
