also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
