It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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