i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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