Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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