hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
