There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
