I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
