I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
