Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
