So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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