He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
