woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
