He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
