spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
