You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
