I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
