my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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