I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
