I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
