I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
