I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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