I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
