Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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