she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
MIDGETS
????
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
