so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
