what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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