Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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