she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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