all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
