Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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