I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
