We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
