I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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