Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I smell stomach acid.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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