is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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