Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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