dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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