i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
