my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
