Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
