How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
