Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
