just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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