i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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