ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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