oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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