come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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