Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
