I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
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dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
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