You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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