He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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