Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
