The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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