I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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