im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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