Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
