My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
