So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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